Pulling Weeds

The Art of Pulling Weeds is an exceedingly meditative practice. It is not simply about pulling plants out of the ground; it is about doing so mindfully and in awareness. Anyone can pull up weeds; however to do it well, you need to have a certain mental discipline.

Getting To The Root

You can stop the weed’s growth completely if you can pull it up by the root. If not, it will grow back again. Some weeds are easier to pull by their roots than others. Success depends on how quickly you act, for one thing. The weed will establish a strong root if you wait too long, and if it goes deep enough, you may not be able to extract it by hand or alone. However, if you can get to the weed soon after germination, just as it pierces the suface to make itself known, it can be easily plucked.

How easily you can pull up the weed by its root also depends on the nature of the soil, and to some extent, how recently the weed has been watered. Hard dirt allows the weed to take hold strongly and to break as needed, just like a lizard may shed its tail to live another day. However, if the soil is soft because it is good soil or loosened by rain or watering, the root has little purchase. The earth gives it up easily, readily.

Of course, how well the root is removed depends greatly on your attention. If your mind wanders while you are working, your hand will not find the proper hold and the root will break. And it will break if you get in a hurry. Pulling the weed by its root requires patience, sensitivity, and focus.

Overlapping Weeds

Weeds that spread out often overlap with other weeds, especially if you have waited too long to attend to them. Overlapping weeds protect each other, hiding the entrance of their roots into the soil. By creating a mat, they confuse the unwary by entangling within the limbs and tendrils of the other.

Only by careful attention to the way the weeds grow and have grown together can you identify the individual roots. You can see the core and true nature of the weed by thoughtfully separating each one from the other and addressing them separately. Trying to address them together often leads to broken roots. It is in the nature of things that those joined together are stronger than those separated.

It takes a special focus and awareness to attend to overlapping weeds. Resigning to frustration and rushing the effort feeds their success, and both or all live to grow again another day. By giving in to the desire for rapid results, you will find yourself returning again to the task.

Tall Weeds

It is not necessarily true that tall weeds, those that are apparent and obvious, have deep roots. Some spring up quickly though their roots may be shallow. Some of the most most difficult to control tall weeds do have shallow roots, but grow very quickly just beneath the surface. And some of them sprout not from seeds, but from nodes that form in the roots themselves.

Tall weeds may also disguise themselves as something completely different: budding trees. Weeds with woody stems that grow quickly and send deep roots may be overlooked completely by the unwary or undisciplined. They look promising at first, but do not amount to anything in the long run.

Planted Weeds

Sometimes the weeds you have to pull are those you planted. Perhaps you did not know what they were, how large they would grow, or how they might conflict with the rest of your garden. Still, they have to go and you have to do the weeding.

Most often the difficulty with planted weeds is more about the planting than the weeding. There can be sadness for a dream garden not realized, or perhaps shame or self-blame for planting the wrong thing. Yet, in the final analysis, the planting was in perfect harmony with your vision. It just did not work out as you had envisioned or hoped.

There is no advantage to keeping planted weeds when they no longer serve. All things have their time and there is no blame when that time ends. They become compost, recycled energy for new plants, new beings to grow and develop. It is the nature of life.

No End

There is no end to pulling weeds. Though you might mindfully remove all the weeds you can find in your garden, the seeds of weeds of untended gardens of the neighbors blow in. And some come from far away and distant lands. Where they find fertile, willing soil, they will take root and grow.

It could be said that much of life is about pulling weeds: making way for the lush and thriving bounty and beauty of your cultivated garden by removing that which consumes more resources than you are willing to allow or that which no longer serves. Vigilance is required. You must not neglect your garden for very long. Weeds grow quickly.

And, of course, this is not about gardening.

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Rat In The Attic

A True Tale of Urban Shamanic Living

In December 2011, I had the most amazing encounter with a rat in our attic. Although we had spent several hundreds of dollars sealing openings and clearing the attic, one evening we heard the tell-tale squealing and scratching inside our kitchen wall.

The sound was as though a rat had gotten through some undiscovered opening under the porch, but stuck halfway up the wall. Since there was no way to get into the wall, all we could do was wait. If it was truly trapped, we would soon know. However, the next day, familiar sounds rumbled away above our heads. It was a weekend, and there was no one to call for assistance.

The next night, the sounds intensified. The creature dug furiously at the wallboard ceiling near the AC/HV closet. All I could think about was the destruction to our vents by previous visitors: the opossum and raccoon that had precipitated the expensive repairs, as well as entire families of rats who had taken up residence before. Those vents could not be repaired because that space is too narrow for any human to work within. They were open to the attic, with plenty of exposed insulation material to nest in.

Having little choice, I set a trap in the closet where we heard activity earlier, which is open to the attic. A 2×4 joist at about eye level between two exposed studs seemed the perfect place for the baited large spring trap. I set it and closed the door. Somehow, I did not expect it would take very long. And indeed, after less than an hour, we heard a sound that was not quite the “snap!” of it springing. It was a softer sound, though clearly the trap had been sprung.

Close Encounter

I took a flashlight and looked in the closet to find a large Norwegian brown rat apparently entangled in the trap, but still very much alive, staring at me. I could not discern its size accurately, but previous experience suggest that it was at least 15-18 inches from its nose to tip of its tail. My guess also was that it was a female seeking a warm place to nest.

We gazed at each other, barely more than a foot apart. She raised up nervously, leaned forward, pink paws curled near her chest, then settled back down again. I watched her round, black eyes, her whiskers sensing the air between us, his pink nose twitching, sorting out the scents, round ears forward. Two broad, flat and very sharp teeth protruded through pursed lips outlined by white fur.

“I am sorry,” I said. “You are destructive and you cannot stay. I am sad for you, but you must go.” Donna and Marty, our cat, came to see what was going on. Yet the rat and I simply watched each other for several minutes, a very long and exciting time.

It was not clear to me how the trap had caught her. Certainly, she was not held in a death grip. Her body was whole, and she was very much alive. Perhaps merely a hind foot or its tail was pinned. I looked closer, trying to determine what to do and how to do it.

I thought that it might be best to put the rat in a pail of some kind and carry her outside, let her go. I could imagine carrying her, dangling from the trap by her tail, though I had no idea how I would be able to get past her to extract the trap itself from the wall. Yet, then she could easily return to our attic or to a neighbor. Would she die naturally of injuries that I could not see? Would it be more human to put her down, even if I had no idea how to do so? Nothing seemed right.

As I looked more closely, trying to see how the trap had pinned her, I could see her feet, her tail. Nothing was caught! Then she began to move and turned away, crawling up the stud, over the edge of a crossbeam, and back into the attic. She had not been pinned at all! Somehow the trap had been sprung, and she had been sitting on top of it all the time. She had not run away from me or the bright light of the flashlight.

For that long two minutes or more, she and I connected in a way previously reserved only for trusted companions. No fear; simply one being encountering another on the path of life. Scarcely a foot apart, human and rat gazed at each other, saw each other, were real to each other.

At this time I thought, of course, she must move or she must die. It is a reality of living in the human space. Her predecessors left us with hundreds of dollars of damage, some of which cannot be repaired. It was my sincere hope that she would take the encounter as a warning: move on, dear one. Please move on.

Tale’s End: March 2012

I left the unsprung and baited trap in the closet for several weeks. It was never sprung. In the end, I removed it completely. We heard no more sounds from that encounter. Now, in early March, the attic remains quiet.

This true tales of urban shamanism reinforces for me the knowing that all the beings and creatures in our environment can hear and respond to us, if we will only try to communicate with them. Our first response to “pests” need not be to kill what we don’t like.

During the depression, hobos would mark houses in their own code: “This one is one is good for a hand-out,” “This one will give you a place to sleep,” “Stay away from this one.” My hope is that there is in Rat a marker for “Good people, but they don’t want us here.”

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The Quest for Authenticity

Many people say that they want to be authentic, that they want to express into the world who they really are rather than having to pretend to be someone they are not. They do not want to pretend to be who other people expect them to be. They no longer want to identify with the various roles they play.

However, the reality is that very few people actually embark on their Quest for Authenticity. It can be an unsettling and scary journey into an undiscovered land. After all, the person you are expressing into the world has been carefully crafted for years, and it is the only You that you know!

Most often this desire is the result of the emergence of an uncomfortable awareness that whatever you are doing just is not working any more. Something may feel seriously missing in your life: meaning, perhaps, or a deep sense that something is off-track.

The Fear of Disappearing

The first step is acknowledging that whoever you believe you are or are pretending to be, is not really you — not the essence of who you are. One of the strongest barriers to the Quest for Authenticity is the fear that, if you let go of the roles you play, you just might find that in the end, there is nothing left.

Who are you when you drop the pretense and unravel the roles? What if there is no one home?

A woman recently came into my office and expressed just this situation. She realized that most, if not all, of the relationships she had were based on what her friends wanted her to be. She had identified strongly with the expectations they and her parents held for all of her life, but she really didn’t feel that living to these expectations was genuine. In essence, nothing about her life really resonated any more and she was exhausted.

She said that after years of counseling and trying to figure it all out, she felt that nothing had really helped, that her whole life had fallen apart. She said that it was like when she looked at where she was and what she wanted, there was nothing there. It was a blank piece of paper.

My response: “YAY! Good for you!”

After all of what seemed to her as “fruitless work,” she was exactly where she needed to be. All she required then was a new way of envisioning and creating her future the way she wanted it to be, rather than how others thought she should.

Holding On

It is natural that people become attached to things and people. Relationships are important. The sense of belonging is important. However, as you journey on this quest, you will find that some of these relationships no longer apply to who you are becoming. You will have to give some of them up, even if you do not want to.

On the Quest for Authenticity, you must be willing to let go of everything. Not that you will have to, but you certainly must be willing to. Whatever you find yourself holding tightly to keeps you stuck.

You cannot proscribe any part of your life that might be affected. Change may — and very likely will — come in places that you do not expect. While you might be ready to look for a different job than the one you already know does not fit, you might not be ready to surrender some cherished relationships.

Everyone you know has an expectation of who you are, and as you change, that expectation, that assumption about who you are, will be challenged. You might anticipate that a “life long friend” will remain with you on your journey. However, along the way they may not be able to accept the new you, and they may drift away.

The Fear of Abandonment

During the journey to discover your deeper self, you will inevitably change: think differently, behave differently. There are no two ways about this. Change is inevitable. And because you are changing, you will no longer play along with the rules of the games others around you are playing, including family and friends.

The other great obstacle that keeps people from beginning the Quest for Authenticity is the fear that no one will like who they become, that everyone will leave, and they will be alone.

My experience strongly suggests that this catastrophic fear is baseless. What happens instead is that you will find yourself letting go of people who do not support you, who have expectations that you will be how they want you to be. They will be replaced by new people and new relationships that better resonate with and support who you really are.

Consider that, rather than being abandoned, you are really being found.

The Excitement of Authenticity

In Wolves In The Woods we examined the reality that the body cannot distinguish between fear and excitement. I have known several people who chose to pursue the quest for authenticity, and they all express how grateful they are for the experience.

Not one of them had an easy journey. As expected, significant change led to significant results that were not always pleasant. And not one of them ever quit once they fully engaged in the quest. As it turns out, once you begin — once you fully engage in the process — you find that there is no way back.

Past one certain point you realize that no matter what happens, you simply cannot settle for who you were before. You become hooked on the exciting prospect of engaging fully with Life, of finding out who you really are and what you really want.

Once the feeling of what living authentically is sets its hook into you, you cannot escape.

When that happens, you know that you can no longer settle for that hole in your core to which you had become accustomed. The feeling becomes a longing so deep that it has the power to force you right out of your rut.

Living From The Heart

Many people who feel themselves stuck and lost have been working at it for a long time, trying to “figure it all out.” What that means is that they have spent a good deal of time intellectually trying to make sense of their lives — living in their heads. That generally leads nowhere because all the intellect can do is plan according to the data at hand: the past. So it goes around and around in the same old circles and coming to the same conclusions.

What is required to live authentically is to live from the heart. You must learn to feel your way into what resonates with who you want to become, and learn to trust what you feel.

This does not mean that you abandon your intelligence. It means that you put it in its proper place. Your thinking mind — your biocomputer — is a remarkable gift. It researches, observes, plans, and executes extremely well. It just makes a terrible driver for your life.

Your heart, on the other hand, is remarkably tuned to the magic of inspiration. It is connected to a deeper aspect of who you are. It is no accident that many cultures believe that the soul is seated within the heart space.

When something real touches you, you feel it in your heart, not your head.

The Quest for Authenticity is a mythical adventure that calls to you from deep within. On this quest you are the adventurer and the storyteller. It is you that you seek, and it is you that keeps you from the treasure. You are the grail, and you are the dragon.

There is no more important thing for you to do than to find yourself. In the end, all you have to offer yourself — and the world — is your authentic self.

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Assumptions and Beliefs

I was recently reminded that one of the problems with assumptions is that they are always based on your beliefs, most of which are not accurate. You may believe you know someone, but you may very well be completely wrong.

Assumptions are assertions of your belief system reinforcing itself. When you make an assumption about someone, event, or action, it is always based on what you already believe about that person or life in general. When you accept that assumption and act on it, you reinforce whatever is the underlying belief. However, if you question the assumption, you also have an opportunity to examine the belief–or beliefs–on which it is based.

Realistic Assumptions

Of course some assumptions are helpful and necessary. You may safely assume, for example, that the sun will rise every morning. You can count on it without having to question the underlying personal belief. You can also assume that if you lose your balance past a certain point, you will fall; and if you get hit by a car, you will most likely be injured. These natural assumptions about the effects of gravity and motion are very reliable.

We call these assumptions “scientific facts” or “universal laws” about how the universe at large works. These kinds of natural, reliable assumptions are, of course, based on beliefs shared by the vast majority of people on the planet. They have been tested for thousands of years.

You can also assume that if you follow a particular route in your travels, you will eventually arrive at your destination. Homes, offices, towns, and cities generally do not move from their location. However, you can sometimes get off track, perhaps miss a turn or a landmark, and if you do not check your assumption about where you are, you may miss your destination and possibly get lost.

However, there are no “universal laws” about people.

Judgements

When you judge someone, most often you are measuring them or their actions against your own underlying beliefs about how people are or “should” be. Of course, you assume that your view of the world is correct and that the person “should” behave or believe differently than they do. And you may feel offended and perhaps angry.

Being angry at someone often indicates that you believe they should behave differently, that they should be more like you. That assumption is not true. They should be exactly as they are, of course. It is YOUR belief that would better be questioned.

Making judgements about people tells more about you and your beliefs than it does about others. As a result, examining what you judge can be helpful in tracking down your own limiting beliefs.

Beliefs About People

One of the most troublesome problems with assumptions has to do with communication and interaction with people. People are very complex. They change all the time; they are seldom static. They flow with the state of their emotions; they change based on experience; and over time they become completely different.

Yet because of how your operating system works, it is generally easier to assume that “people never change” or your partner “always acts that way.” In fact, if you really pay attention and challenge that belief, you will find it is simply not true.

We explored in a previous article that reality is filtered. Once you hold a particular belief, your entire operating system goes to work to prove that it is true. This happens not only in how you think, but also all the way down to perception. Sometimes, you literally do not perceive things that conflict with your beliefs.

In an argument, for example, consider that you may not be hearing correctly. It could be that your entire translation of the sounds that you hear may be wrong because you are actually hearing different inflections — and possibly even missing or adding words — than the person intends. You assume that you already know what the person is saying and what they mean, and you hear what you expect, no matter what is really being said!

When you find yourself in situations like these, when you catch yourself in the middle of an argument or feel unable to communicate, stop talking. Take time to really listen instead.

Family Beliefs

Almost everyone has the experience as an adult of returning home for the holidays and being treated like a teenager or being misunderstood. This happens because the family expects you to act and think as you were the last time they saw you, or the last time you lived at home. The beliefs they have of you have not changed, but you have.

In a large family, the pressure to be someone you no longer are can be very intense, because each person has a different recollection of who you were. Your parents see you one way, your siblings another. Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents all remember you differently and expect you to have remained the same. You would have to be a neurotic chameleon to meet all those demands, so you wind up getting exhausted.

And it may be that you believe the family has not changed when actually they have. Consider, too, that your perception based on assumptions and beliefs about them may not be accurate.

These same dynamics occur to some extent in all of your relationships with others. The vision you hold of all your friends and relations is subject to the same interplay of beliefs and reinforcing assumptions.

Changing Beliefs, Becoming New

If you are committed to changing old patterns and becoming genuine in your relationships with others, it is a good idea to consider your own assumptions and how they reflect your beliefs about the world. Expect that you will be shown those invalid beliefs.

Do your best to know who you are and to be grounded in that knowledge. When you can stand in who you are when everyone around you insists you be otherwise, you find an inner strength emerges. Not that it is easy to remain solid in the face of demands that you be otherwise! It is the difficulty in doing so that helps you to be stronger and to better know yourself.

Pay attention to your judgements and what you think about other people. Listen to what you tell yourself, as well. Remember, you have beliefs and make assumptions about yourself as well as others. Test those old assumptions, especially the negative ones, to find the beliefs on which they are based.

Change your thoughts, change yourself.

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Flow

The most basic and important thing you do as a being of energy is flow. You channel energy – love, compassion, strength, being, universal consciousness, whatever you choose to call it – through you and around you effortlessly when there is no obstruction, no constriction. It is simply flow.

This flow is both the source and expression of your own power. You are physically, mentally, and emotionally stronger when the flow is clear. On the other hand, when it is constricted you become weaker, distracted, uncertain, and distraught.

The feeling of being connected to your inner wisdom, your source, is an expression of that flow. When you are flowing freely, that sense of connectedness is strong. You feel that you are part of everything, and everything is cooperating with you as you move through your day.

And yet, this is not always your experience. Sometimes it feels as though everything is conspiring against you. Sometimes you feel out of touch, out of phase with your surroundings; you can’t get a handle on your thoughts and emotions. Why is that? What can you do?

Fear

Of all the things that can impede flow, fear is the most pervasive. You cannot flow freely from a state of fear. When you are afraid, your energy is directed toward yourself, toward self-preservation; to run away or to fight, focusing strongly on perceiving threat and responding to it.

At its weakest, fear shows itself as an underlying hum of anxiety. Most people experience this low level hum, this free-floating anxiety that keeps some part of them constantly on alert. In fact, not to experience it can make one seem odd, naive, “out of touch with reality.”

In this society, this culture, not to be anxious about something unknown makes you appear witless and vulnerable. Everyone knows that it is dangerous not to be afraid.

The more you release yourself from fear, the more you can flow. And the more you focus on Flow, the less energy you have to feed fear.

You may never be able to completely escape that hum in this culture. This detached fear has become part of the infrastructure. Yet knowing it is there and that it has no basis in reality can help disentangle you from it.

Thoughts

Thoughts are real and are as alive as anything else. As you hold them, you feed them with your energy. You flow to them rather than to creation. It is not possible to function in life without thoughts, however when they take over and cannot be turned off or even down, your flow is diverted.

The more thoughts you have, the more your energy is channeled into feeding them. Eventually, thoughts can consume all of your energy if left unchecked and out of control.

Thoughts and thinking take you away from the present moment, essentially away from your body. When you remember your body, as when you intentionally take a deep breath, thoughts fall away. They cannot be in the present moment because they are connected to your reflective mind, which is always in the past or future.

When you bring your awareness into the present and remain with it, you experience thoughts becoming quieter, fading away. However, the instant that you let go of that Now awareness, thoughts quickly return and continue to feed upon your flow.

To be still so that you can flow freely is the essence of meditation. You do not have to sit or be physically still to be in this consciousness. Being completely present while doing any task also quiets your mind as you flow fully into that task. To be completely engaged in the moment, no matter what you are doing, will bring to the same awareness and distracting thoughts fade.

When you bring your awareness to the present moment you can truly be who you are and allow the flow to move through you.

You have experienced this when you find yourself engaged with something particularly interesting or fun, when time seems to stand still and all you think about is the task at hand. Bring that same attention to even the most mundane activities and you will take control of your flow.

Hoarding

Life in this dimensional reality system is about creation and the experience of emotion. It takes energy, or power, to do these things. When you have a belief that there is not enough energy to go around, your tendency may be to try to hold on to what you have and store up more when you can. If you find yourself hoarding things in your ordinary, everyday life, you are most likely trying to hoard power in your spiritual life, as well.

However, hoarding and storing up power is another way of hindering your flow. Energy cannot be stored or held onto. There is no receptacle large enough to contain and hold the vastness of energy that constantly flows through you. It can only be diverted, and stifled if not allowed to flow freely.

Holding on to things both energetic and physical that you no longer need feeds your flow to that dying relationship. Letting go opens you, gives you more room to receive.

When you find yourself moving into the feeling of “not enough,” relax into trust instead and let the flow move through you.

There is more than enough energy in the universe. By opening yourself to it and letting it move freely through, you enlarge your bandwidth and make space for even more.

Flow

Energy – Love, Light, Abundance, Compassion – flows to you. It is your birthright as a being of energy.  Your gift to the universe is to pass that flow through and make it available to all the other beings of energy. The more you are able to flow freely, the more you bring in.

Flow is additive, rather than subtractive. The more you give, the more you get. Allow yourself to flow freely today … right now.

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Learning to Swim

The Diving In article began as an invitation to “start where you are and jump in anytime” in answering the questions I often get about where to begin and what to do first. It turned instead into a provocative analogy about encountering the sometimes very challenging transformative potential of personal work.

In comments, emails, and even phone calls, it is clear that the article struck a chord for several readers. The deep level of personal work expressed by that analogy appears to be something people long for, but are also fearful of. Their comments and questions, as well as my own reaction to the article, led me on an odyssey of my own.

The Deep End

Looking at photographs of Deep Eddy pool in Austin, you can see there are several zones where people congregate: the shallows, the mid-water, and the deep end. For the most part, the only ones in the deep end are swimming laps or sitting along the edge, slipping in for an occasional refreshing dip.

If I were a real swimmer, I would be a solitary swimmer. Most of my time in a swimming pool is spent in the water just deeper than that of families playing with their children, which puts me in proximity to that place where the warmer shallow water sinks into the colder deep and tends to pull me in. I find it to be an exciting sensation, though I do not want to “get in over my head,” so am cautious.

Learning to Swim

When I was perhaps six or seven years old, I took swimming lessons one summer in order to keep me from drowning should I fall into a pool or into the lake, where I loved to fish with my grandparents. The class always began in belly-deep water, warming up and playing. Inevitably, we would go to the deep end where we learned to dive and swim.

The first thing we learned was called the “dead man’s float.” Lying face down in the water, I would relax my arms and legs and simply float buoyed by the air in my lungs and torso. Frankly, it was my favorite thing to do in class and I could float that way longer than anyone else. It was peaceful and I felt perfectly safe. In fact, it was the only time I felt safe in the deep end.

I could also float face up, but not so comfortably. Something about the buoyancy and distribution of weight of my body makes me float low enough on the surface that water splashes onto my face, and unless I constantly kick my feet to stay horizontal, my legs sink and drag me down. That sends me into a mild but formidable panic.

If you drop a needle horizontal onto water in a glass, the surface tension makes it float. But if you drop that same needle vertically into the glass it sinks instantly. The same is true of a body in water or in quicksand. Horizontal, you float; vertical, you sink. I was terrified of sinking quickly and uncontrollably in deep water.

Another thing that I enjoy is slipping beneath the surface and looking up at the sunlight above. Even though I tend to sink, this is actually quite difficult to do unless your lungs are empty. Holding air in my lungs makes it impossible to stay under the water, so I have push myself down against a ladder’s rung.

My ideal would be to sink to the bottom of the pool, while connected to the surface by a good, strong hose for air.

The Not-doing of Drowning

In reflecting on Diving In and my personal history of swimming, I was reminded of the teaching of Don Juan Matus, as reported by Carlos Castaneda, regarding “not-doing”. A way to describe not-doing is to think of understanding a leaf, not by looking at its top surface, but from underneath. Lucid dreaming is the not-doing of ordinary dreaming.

The not-doing of drowning is not escaping drowning, but rather being aware of not drowning, even when being overwhelmed by water.

The same is true in relation to an encounter with Power in the personal development process. At some point, when you are ready, when you reach a certain edge of your comfort zone, that process, in alignment with your intention for change and in cahoots with Spirit, may very well drag you into the deep end. That experience may be either exciting or terrifying, or both at the same time. The difference between the two is determined by fear.

“In a sense, your old self drowns so you can swim.” The not-doing of drowning has to do with letting go of what is overwhelming you. Though you may be in the throes of a spiritual crisis, it is not Spirit that is immobilizing. The part of your old self that has to die is fear.

There is a way to be with fear in order to overcome it: surrender to it. The “dead man’s float,” in which you stop resisting the panic and relax into the natural buoyancy of your body, can save your life. Similarly, the natural buoyancy of your soul can save you in a spiritual crisis.

When things become overwhelming, get horizontal, breathe, relax every part of your body that you can. Once your awareness is in the present moment your mind can let go of fear and the panic in your body can subside. Then you can find the best next thing to do, and do it. Take action! Eventually, you will become accustomed to the deeper water and become a stronger swimmer.

The Bottom of the Pool

As mentioned before, one of the things I enjoy about being in a pool is looking up from underneath the surface to the light and sky above. For me, it is enrapturing. Personally, I believe I would remain at the bottom of the pool for long periods of time if I had a way to breathe: a long, secure tube that connected me to the air above. With that support, I would not be afraid.

When asked, people who are in that state of overwhelming fear say they feel they have lost their sense of connection to Spirit. They have lost their ability to breathe; they feel that they are drowning and they are. They are afraid, holding their breath and running out of oxygen, and they have forgotten something very important:

Spirit is always with you, even when you don’t feel it’s life-saving tube to the surface nearby.

The ideal in a deeply spiritual life is not to be detached, dispassionate, and never afraid. Spirituality is a state of being fully engaged in the moment, whatever that moment might give rise to. It is to be aware wherever you are in the pool – the shallows, the playful middle, the deep end – that you are connected to Spirit. It is always there, present, with you.

As with learning to swim, part of learning to be in such equanimity with Spirit and to be prepared for falling into the deep end is to dive in to it, on purpose, as many times as you can.

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Diving In

People sometimes say that they have been interested in personal change for many years. They’ve read the books and taken the seminars, but for some reasons or others, they have just not been able to begin the “real work.”

Where do I start?
What do I do first?
When is the best time to get started?

The best answer I have is “Start where you are. Dive right in! and there is no time like Right Now.”

Easier said than done, right? But really, you have no choice. You cannot begin anywhere other than where you are, and you cannot act in any time except the present moment. So wherever you are, whenever you are, is perfect.

Now, diving in is a different matter. It takes fierce courage and determination to cut through old beliefs and patterns to effect change. You can begin in the shallow end, if you want to. Yet real change will not happen until you are deep in it, well over your head, overwhelmed. Your old beliefs, your old way of being in the world changes. In a sense, your old self drowns so you can swim.

Stepping into the shallow end of the pool is generally OK. It is relatively warm and you can wade about freely. A little deeper is fun. You can swim, duck under the surface, and be assured that you can come up at any time. You are still in control, still in your place of mastery.

At a certain point as you go into deeper water you realize that the bottom of the pool is not quite as accessible anymore. You can no longer be certain of your footing, and you cannot stand with your head above the surface. You notice that the deeper water is actually tugging at you, pulling you even deeper!

It is then that many make their way back to shallower, safer water, or leave the pool entirely. Some determined few, however, continue onward, knowing full well what lies ahead. For them it is finally time either to swim or to die.

It is true that personal development work cannot be controlled. The ways in which your life will change are unpredictable. Unless you are ready for change in every aspect of your life, you will undoubtedly encounter the strong desire to give up, to leave the pool entirely.

Perhaps knowing this, others choose a different way: Diving right in. The only way for them is to commit, to dive right into the deep end and all that might entail. It is a fearsome, courageous act, which pits them against everything that has ever stood in their way all at once.

Many times, they are some of those who have tried the slower, “safer” way and decided to leave the pool. Perhaps they read the books and took the workshops, but could never quite find the way to integrate the information into daily experience. Everyday demands and routines are powerful distractions. Or perhaps their lives began to change in very uncomfortable ways that forced them out … temporarily.

The reason you are reading this article is that you feel the pull, the inexorable need for change in your life, for your personal growth and development. The urge is both seductive and demanding, and the time is always now. The place to begin is always right where you are.

The only question is whether to begin in the shallow end, determined to make it into the deep water, or to dive right in. The reality is that it doesn’t matter. There is no right choice, only your choice. And it also doesn’t matter if you have tried before and given up. You will return to the pool one way or another.

Once you begin the journey of self-discovery, you can never really stop, can you?

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